never stays still

I only learned this about two years ago
but no relationships stay still     ever
whether it be one between lovers friends family students teachers babies
it's like running water
it's the same water but the reflection keeps changing
while the newly pumped water gushes out the tap
the 0.something-second-old water goes down the drain
you can never capture two images of running water
that look exactly the same

there was a friend who walked into my life a few years back
that friend became so deeply embedded in me we started to breathe in harmony
and then something incomprehensible happened
and that friend just pulled their root out
and left
i was left with a grimy trace that can't be washed off even with NapiSan
it was complicated but simple

and there is another friend who has been in my life for ten years but just faintly
who recently became someone I cannot live without anymore

they all start with a handshake
followed by a superficial clinking
it takes me a while to open my mouth and let things be absorbed in my body
and when i do i feel so secure trapping that water in my body
thinking that my body is the ultimate home for that water

but i learned about two years ago
that there are plenty of opportunities for that water to escape
and never be mine again
but there is also a big chance that I drink that water again
so there's always a steady balance between dehydration and hydration


[Oil paint on canvas]